Spring SniffLAWLes - May 6th, 2007
*Cold open to start the show as LAWL head Gloria Reyes
is standing in the ring with a microphone.*
Gloria: "Welcome everyone to Spring SniffLAWLS, the
first LAWL show of 2007. I wanted to start
this year off with a bang by introducing the
newest member of the LAWL roster. A woman that
is no stranger to LAWL, having competed here
once before, and someone who has been on a
meteoric rise through women's wrestling over
the last year. A woman that, due to the
unfortunate demise of McPro, has a lot
more time on her hands, Jenny McLanahan!!"
*"Burning Heat (3 Option Mix)" plays on the speakers as
none other then joshi superstar Jenny McLanahan steps onto
the LAWLitorium stage to a HUGE array of cheers and whistles,
and smiles back. She walks to the ring and shakes hands with
Gloria Reyes, and is then given Gloria's microphone.*
[Jenny McLanahan:] "FINALLY... THE JENNY HAS... well, I dunno,
done some stuff. Like, as Miss Gloria Reyes
so kindly let me say for myself, negotiated
to bring my cute little nerdcore ass and a
couple friends to come play in LAWL - meaning,
as of February 9th, 2007, LAWL's roster just
got a little more serious!
... as serious as any company paying me in
video games can be, I guess ...
*Before Jenny can continue, "Dies Irae" hits the speakers as
a proud looking OMG Champion Ruby Moreno comes to the ring,
flanked by her geNEON stablemate. Dwayne Reade*
[Ruby:] McPro is dead! LONG LIVE... actually, no.
No, forget that. FORGET about McPro, because
LAWL is where all the best women come when they
want to be routinely humiliated and shown up by
standing in my divine presence!"
[Jenny:] SO, you're getting up in my hard drive,
hackering my intrawebnets?
[Moreno:] ...what?
[Jenny:] You gots Pokemans and wants to show me them?
[Moreno:] ...lord, you may actually fit in amongst the LAWL
'special education' class.
[Jenny:] Ruby... its true that I'm a LAWL wrestler now...
and its even more true that I need to prove to
EVERYBODY - you, him, Dottie Com, Bill Brasky and
that kid with the Power Glove in the Wizard for
example - that I belong here. But, I didn't come
alone! Oh no! See, I was talking it over with Miss
Gloria over there, and we had this whole nice little
deal where you'd face one of the NEW women of McPro,
Juli Tanaka! In a title match for YOUR OMG Championship!
[Moreno:] WHAT!!!!!!?
*A look of shock overtakes Ruby's face as her eyes shoot out LASERS
of anger at Gloria, who manages a coy smile in response, along
with a look of surprise, herself, but one of MOCK forgetfulness.*
[Gloria:] Ohhhh, that match was supposed to be THIS week...
*Gloria laughs meekly and shrugs her shoulders*
[Moreno:] You can't do this to me, Reyes!! You conned me into
wrestling a grueling match just ONE week ago against
Angelica Hyde at the Dragon Isle Joshi show! You
didn't even tell me you were making me defend my
OMG Title tonight against Tanaka!?! This is a travesty-
[Jenny:] EXACTLY! But, see, I thought it over... and I said,
"Dude," I told her, "Ruby won't go for that because
she's 'hurt.' I mean, I know that you're a fighting
champion and all, but, man, what would they say if
you backed out of it yourself?
[Moreno:] I, I-
[Jenny:] You'd look weak! Totally! And Juli, if she won because
you're obviously injured and stuff, she'd have beaten
a weak champion - INJURED, sorry. There'd be a rematch,
negativity, so, I said, "Ruby obviously won't want a
part of this match."
[Moreno:] YOU CAN'T PUT WORDS INTO MY MOUTH!
[Jenny:] Then a tongue, maybe?
*Ruby recoils with grotesque shock and anger*
[Moreno:] SEE HERE! I AM THE OMG CHAMPION! I WILL NOT BE MOCKED BY
A LITTLE GIRL WHO SPENDS HER FREE TIME DOWNLOADING
CARTOON PORN AND PLAYING VIDEO GAMES!
[Jenny:] I'm not mocking you! This time! I totally want to
respect your health going into an important title
match - and after Jo Ryder pretty much put on a
clinic of how to drop you on your head- and
Angelica Hyde nearly beat you last week-
[Moreno:] Are you saying I can't handle this match?!
[Jenny:] YES!
*Ruby can't take any more taunting. She throws her mic down and
begins powerwalking to the ring. She slides in and goes face
to face with Jenny as Gloria attempts to get between them but
to no avail. Ruby then begins screaming in Jenny's microphone,
and "gets all up in Jenny's grill" - so not only is the
microphone RIGHT THERE, but so is Jenny's face!*
[Moreno:] SCREW YOU, McLANAHAN! I'll take your Goddamn match,
and even better? I'LL WIN!
*Jenny pushes back, screaming into the same microphone.*
[Jenny:] GOOD! Because when I come to take that belt from you,
I WILL TAKE IT. And there's NOTHING, I SWEAR TO SHIGGY,
NOTHING, YOU CAN FUCKING DO ABOUT IT.
*INTENSE STAREDOWN, before the two women are finally seperated
by Gloria Reyes, while Dwayne Reade finally takes Ruby by the hand
and escorts her backstage. Jenny and Gloria Reyes begin to
leave together up the ramp, but Gloria stays behind for a second
while still at the top of the ramp and grabs another microphone*
Gloria: "To expand on what Miss McLanahan said
before a certain someone interrupted us,
LAWL has picked up a number of wrestlers
that were once signed with McPro. Jenny
McLanahan and Juli Tanaka are just TWO
of them. A third acquisition will take
part in the first match of tonight and
will face LAWL's Kata Mary-"
*Kata Mary quickly rolls onto the ramp from the backstage
area and then continues rolling until she gets to the
ring, prompting Gloria to once again raise her microphone.*
Gloria: "Kata Mary's opponent will be former
McPro wrestler and new LAWL signee,
"Girl gone Wild," Jill Chambers!"
*Jill Chambers staggers out to ringside to a fair
amount of positive and surprised reaction. She goes to
raise her arm in response but looks a bit...a bit pekid
perhaps? She babbles something to Gloria about how awesome
it is to party in LA all night long, but that she wishes
she hadn't done it LAST NIGHT. Gloria rolls her eyes,
perhaps regretting this particular acquisition, but sends
Jill to the ring anyway and hopes for the best.*
*Just then, the commentary track ALSO kicks in*
.com: "---when do we get to freaking talk!?"
www: "Dottie!! I think we're on!"
.com: "Will they edit that out!?"
www: "I don't think so!"
.com: "Damn! Uh, i mean...
www: "Damn is right! We get no time to
introduce the show properly before
the first match! A match that wasn't
even announced until 2 seconds ago!"
.com: "Hey Willa, that makes TWO matches
that weren't announced until just
now!! Don't they realize that we
don't get paid as much if WE don't
get to announce the full card!"
www: "I think they do actually..."
.com: "FUC-"
www: "Well it looks like this first match
is about to start so I better-"
.com: "Quick, get a'hypin! You have 60 seconds
until the match begins, or so it seems!"
*Willa starts speed readi- uh speed talking, no cue cards!*
www: "Jill Chambers is a hot free agent, at
least in the late night female exploitation
DVD actress circuit. As a wrestler, she
is still somewhat new, having debuted
in McPro originally as JustiKaizer Pink,
before shedding that identity and joining
Colin McLanahan in the Midwest Wrestling
Invasion. And really, it was that very
invasion that led to the demise of McPro,
and Jill's path onto the LAWL roster."
.com: "Wow, WAY too much f'n information for
a LAWL show, Willa! This ain't OG-Joshi!
All we need to know is that Jill Chambers
is a "girl gone wild" and apparently looks
a bit hungover right now. Which is bad-"
www: "Because while Kata Mary may not, ok, IS
NOT the best wrestler on the LAWL roster,
she is the LAST wrestler you'd want to
face when you are feeling dizzy!! Kata
spinning around and rolling you around
when you're hungover is basically overtime
work for the LAWL ring cleaning crew,
which is already overworked due to the
past Goose invasions here."
.com; "Don't remind me! Gloria promised there
would be no Gooses this show!!"
www: "Let's hope she stays true to her word.
But right now it is time to get to the
first match, and second announced
surprise match for Spring SniffLAWLS!"
Match #1: Kata Mary vs. Jill Chambers
http://og-fpd.fireproclub.com/Matches/LAWL/SpringSniffLAWLS07/Sniff07KataJill.zip
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www: "Jill Chambers certainly showed a lot
of skill and promise, but you could
see how disoriented she was becoming
thanks to Kata Mary, who was able to
"roll the match up" with a Kata Mary
Destroyer. Still, give Jill Chambers
a lot of water and sleep, and I'm
guessing this "Girl gone Wild" can
turn a lot of heads in the future."
.com: "When she was alligned with Colin
McLanahan and Midwest Wrestling,
she was so dangerous cause she
was MOTIVATED. She just needs to
find that spark back. Unfortunately,
the only thing I see in that "Girls
Gone Wild" blank expression on her
face is the look of vapidness. She
needs to find that old edge of hers
and get away from pleasing the wrong
people. Fight for her OWN reasons!"
www: "Some say that "Girls gone Wild"
stuff is empowering...but all its
doing now is empowering her to
roll under the ring apron and puke
out the mohidos she had the night
before. Good job, sister!"
.com: "As for Kata Mary, she has had a
pretty good year so far. Though
she lost to Yubari on an OJ-FWA
show, she was extremely impressive
in that match and quite competitive.
She brought a lot of positive
international attention to herself
and LAWL, and this victory tonight
had to have been a result of her
newfound confidence. We'll see
how far she can take it, and if
Jill Chambers can get a bit of
that momentum as well in the future."
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www: "Well we certainly are having an abrupt and
interesting start to the show tonight!
Welcome again to the first show of
2007, a year that promises to be even
wackier for us then uh, 1987?. But it's
now springtime which means the birds and
bees are doing UNSPEAKABLE things together,
so we thank you for having the self-control
not to go outside and watch them, but
rather to spend your time in your dark
basement at 4am watching this DVD."
.com: "Hopefully with your hand OUT of your
pants but I guess we can't control that."
www: "We can by imagining it's not happening."
.com: "LAWL broke my imagination, and whatever
was left of my morality and high
expectations for life. I'm like an
empty shellAWL or something."
www: "Or something. But now would be a
good time to get back to the show
rather then your own depressing
pyscho-analysis. With the big
OMG Title match announcement that
was had earlier, there are 5 matches
remaining tonight. And they are:
*A graphic comes onto the screen of a piece of cardboard
with 5 lines written on it. It's "Industrial strength"
cardboard so you KNOW the LAWL production budget has gone up!*
(Start to download the videos NOW so that they'll be ready when you get up to them in the show!)
Main Event: Marie Reyes vs. IKU
OMG Title Match: Juli Tanaka vs. Ruby Moreno (c)
Alicia/Kat/Angelica vs. Grace/LAWLunkaloompas
Jacquelyn Archer vs. Lucky Lupe
Triple Threat: Patata Frita vs. Orange Julia vs. Platano Sabroso
*Below that match we see a spot obviously ripped from the
cardboard that presumably had the Kata Mary vs. Jill
Chambers match listed. I guess ripping the cardboard
is LAWL's way of keeping track of the matches tonight!*
www: "I'm getting word that there is stuff
of minor consequence going on backstage!
.com: "Of consequence! Quick...to the backstagatory!"
*We go backstage and see the former A/S/L Tag Champions,
Las Potatodoras, Patata Frita and Patata Dulce, speaking
with each other as Marie Reyes walks by. They potatoes
immediately hug her and she begins talking with them.*
Marie: "Hi, I have a surprise for you two!
I was in Japan recently for the OJ-FWA
show a few weeks ago and happened to
find a new friend for you both!"
*Marie ushers to the hallway as we gradually see a
shy looking PURPLE potato make her way over to Marie
and the other two taters. Marie pats it on the back
to give it confidence as it then shakes the spuds
of the other two. Marie looks on approvingly.*
Marie: "There!! I knew you three would get
along great! This is Patata Espacial,
also known as SPACE Potato!"
*Frita and Dulce make noises of wonder and enthusiasm
as the three potatoes begin hopping..eventually reaching
a rhythmic unison that just might mean they are on the
same wavelength...but thats a leap of logic even I
don't feel comfortable making, so uh, think what you will!*
Marie: "Looks like you three will be just fi-"
*Just then, Orange Julia approaches and SHRIEKS
as she sees Patata Espacial. Marie tries to calm
her down but Orange Julia begins violently screaming
and pointing towards Patata Espacial!*
Orange Julia: "UNCLEAN!! UNHEALTHY!! PURPLE
POTATOES ARE NO GOOD FOR YOU!"
Marie: "Hold on Julia-"
*Marie's protests are to no avail as Orange Julia
runs away screaming from the space potato*
Marie: "Uh, I guess it may be harder for
some to accept Especial, but I'm
glad you two have. And good luck
in your match against Julia and
Sabrosa, Frita!"
*Marie pats Patata Frita on the head and then goes
about her way as the three potatoes communicate...
or, dance rhythmically...uh, back to the commentators*
www: "No words for that. Space potato,
great. Orange hates her, wonderful.
All I know is our next match is going
to begin soon and its a triple threat
match between Patata Frita, Orange
Julia, and Platano Sabroso."
.com: "Of note is that the potatoes and
bananas have been feuding since
before the start of time. Some
attribute both the Big Bang AND the
biblical "Creation" story to the
first meeting between a potato and
a banana. We're not here to preach
but you WILL go to HeLAWL if you
don't believe us...
www: "And you know who's in HeLAWL to
greet you: Devil Goose!"
.com: "No!! He'll molest my soul..and
...and touch me too!"
www: "So with that said, who do you
see winning this next match?"
.com: "Between my soul and Devil Goose?"
www: "No, that's an easy one to predict.
I mean this next triple threat match."
.com: "Well, surprisingly, Orange Julia
is not in her usual upbeat, one
might even say "fresh", mood. She's
usually good friends with Marie
Reyes and Las Potatodoras. But
something about that purple thing-"
www: "Potato, purple potato."
.com: "You say 'purple potato', I say
'Center for Disease Control."
www: "Those don't sound alike at all."
.com: "Give it an outbreak or two."
www: "It appears that you share the
sentiment of Orange Julia that
the purple potato is somehow
weird or "unclean." Orange
Julia's mission in the ring is
to help educate children about
proper nutrition and-"
.com: "And she does that by WRESTLING?"
www: "She proves that proper nutrition
is helpful in life by being able
to compete at such a high level in
the ring. She shows by DOING."
.com: "Wonderful...except for the fact
that she hasn't won a match since
LAWL went public. So I'd be more
inclined to believe that junk food
is helpful since Grace Reyes and
Lucky Lupe eat it. And I hear the
LAWLunkaloompas subsist on a diet
of basically whatever they find on
the floor at the mall."
www: "THEY are allowed in the mall?"
.com: "No, but Lupe collects it for them."
www: "You really are milking that whole
'getting paid by the word" deal..."
.com: "Every dollar goes to my therapist."
www: "Touche. Now, let's get to the next
match and see how these three food
products mix together in the ring."
.com: "Eew...the ring isn't a BLENDER. And
even if it was, who'd want to mix
a POTATO with a banana and orange!?"
www: "Apparently the sickos that book LAWL."
.com: "Hm...sounds about right!"
Match #2: Patata Frita vs. Orange Julia vs. Platano Sabroso
http://og-fpd.fireproclub.com/Matches/LAWL/SpringSniffLAWLS07/Sniff07TripleThreat.zip
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www: "Oh my!! Patata Frita has just been knocked
out by Orange Julia's "Juicer" and is now
being mashed with the "Fresh Squeeze!"
.com: "Who wants fresh squeezed potato!?!? YUCK!"
www: "You're missing the point, Dot-"
.com: "Am I REALLY? Think about this."
www: "Fine, you're not. but just TRY to play
along as if an Orange KNOCKING a potato
out is the most heinous event you've
EVER seen in your life."
.com: "I'm not saying it isn't...just that
its more gross then heinous...and
more ridiculous then either of the above!"
www: "Well one thing IS for sure and that's
that this match was not a Triple threat
match, it was a handicap match! Two
fruits against a vegetable! That's GOT to
be a hate crime in a supermarket! Orange
Julia was against Patata Frita this
entire time but it really started
to show once she grabbed that chair."
.com: "And mashed them potater!"
www: "Yes. How eloquently put."
.com: "How eloquently DONE by Orange Julia!"
www: "Well it looks like help is FINALLY
coming from the back as Patata
Dulce and Patata Espacial are
running to the ring. Orange Julia
IMMEDIATELY lets go of Patata Frita
and bails out upon seeing-"
.com: "And SMELLING!"
www: "Upon SENSING the arrival of Especia-"
.com: "Sensing!? WHAT? Does Patata Especial
have some kind of pyschic powers!?
www: "Well she IS a Space Potato...who the
hell knows. All we know is that the
fruits have fled...fleeing fruits...
and the two potatoes are calling for
EMT help backstage ot help their
fallen potato comrade."
.com: "Wait!? They're COMMUNIST SPACE POTATOES!?"
www: "No, its just a figure of speech."
*Dottie begins screaming and flipping out*
.com: "GET ME OUT OF HERE!! I DONT WANT
A COLD FRUIT WAR!"
www: "Calm down! Let's just move on..."
.com: "In Communist LAWL, potatoes mash YOU!"
www: "There, you got your little joke
in, you happy now!?"
.com: "Actually, yes. Yes, I am."
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*After the carnage has cleared the ring, Gloria
Reyes comes to the stage again with a microphone*
www: "She's sure a busy woman tonight!"
.com: "Well keep in mind this is the first
full LAWL show that she is publically
in charge of. And given the events of
the last year, I think having a real
authority figure might help-"
www: "So that we don't have communist
space potatoes fighting with
capitalist earthling fruits?"
.com: "...call me Dottie McCarthy"
www: "Let's just hear what Gloria has to say."
Gloria: "Over the last year, LAWL has fallen
victim to attacks from outsiders who
do not have our best interests in mind.
I speak not of fine wrestlers such as
Kat Black and Angelica Hyde, of course.
But of women such as OG-Joshi World
Champion Holly and her little gaggle
of gooses. Now, I have spoken with
OG-Joshi's General Celes and we have
come to terms on an agreement. As such,
there will be NO unwanted involvement
from Holly on tonight's show. If she
shows up in this arena for ANY purpose,
Celes has promised to STRIP her of her
OG-Joshi World Title. And I have been
assured that Celes has been given that
authority recently by OrochiGeese."
Gloria: "That is only the FIRST part of the plan. That
is cause it would be foolish to try to control
them at length by any contractual means cause
Holly would eventually find a way to sidestep them."
Gloria: "Furthermore, this problem is much potentially
bigger then JUST Holly. And LAWL can not rely
on OG-Joshi and Celes for its own safety forever.
Instead, we must rely on ourselves. So it gives
me great pleasure to announce the creation
of "HomeLAWL Security." A LAWL force
that will exist solely to bring malicious
outsiders to justice. A security force that
will be introduced and be in FULL effect
during our next show in August!"
Gloria: "But merely showing them off is not
enough. They must be allowed to PROVE
their worth. So I am hereby making this
challenge. Miss Walker, "Holly", I
DARE you to bring two of your best to
take on the tag team of HomeLAWL security.
Bring your Mortons, your Germans, your
Gooses. Bring yourself if you have
the GUTS. But be prepared to be met
with a force beyond even DevilGoose's
wildest nightmares. This is LAWL and
we will NOT play around anymore with
our security. You try to interfere
and hurt the safety of LAWL wrestlers
and LAWL invited wrestlers, and you will
pay dearly...with your.very.SANITY."
*Gloria grins a bit and then leaves for backstage again.*
www: "WOW! That was quite a challenge! Gloria
Reyes means business!! AS much as I don't
want to see the Gooses back, I do want
to see just what Gloria has up LAWL's
sleeve with HomeLAWL security."
.com: "Holly's habeus corpus is about to
get suspended, BEEYATCH!!"
www: "I'm guessing Gloria's solution is
an in-ring one, not a legislative-"
.com: "Holly's gonna get all searched and
seizured until she can't remember
her rights!! And the Gooses are
gonna be branded sex offenders!"
www: "They already ARE."
.com: "A lot of good THATS done!"
www: "Let's try to get on with the show
and keep our excitement for LAWL's
security plans in the back of our
minds for now. Especially cause
we have a VERY interesting match
coming up between LMAO Member Lucky
Lupe and Dragon Isle Joshi wrestler
Jacquelyn Archer. Actually, to be
more specific, Lyn Archer was a
former LAWL school trainee who
is currently employed in Dragon
Isle Joshi. But she still carries
the spirit of LAWL inside her."
.com: "The spirit of winter?"
www: "No. And we haven't heard from
snow woman since LAWLiday 2006."
.com: "Yah, you make it seem as if WE
have communicated with that thing
on a regular basis."
www: "Well, haven't you?"
.com: "Eek, I guess i'm out of the loop!"
www: "That thing made some MEAN frozen
drinks, Dottie. Next time RSVP
to her parties, ok!"
.com: "Ok, ok!"
www: "Getting back to Lyn, she just wrestled
a very grueling match at the very
exciting and competitive Dragon Isle
Joshi show last weekend: Beltaine"
http://joshi.dragonisle.org/shows/2007Beltaine
.com: "The difference between that match and
this match tonight, however, is that
Lyn had time to PREPARE for this one.
She knew she was scheduled to face Lupe
for MONTHs now. Whereas her match with
Styx was basically just made seconds
before they got into the ring together!"
www: "That is a very good point, but we'll
see if that match did any longterm
damage to her that will stop her from
being at her best against her former
mentor, Lucky Lupe, tonight."
.com: "I think Lyn should be ok just cause
Styx did not target her arms all that
much. Both Lupe and Lyn target their
opponent's arms so Lyn is coming into
the match ok in that respect. Still
some speed may have been taken away
by Styx's focus on her back and legs,
and Lyn NEEDS that to counteract the
agility and techniques of Lupe."
www: "And to make a break for it in case
LMAO try to attack her!"
.com: "Yeah, that too, and don't think
they won't try either!"
www: "Oh, believe me, I do."
.com: "Fine, then."
www: "No really, its likely that-"
.com: "Be that way!"
www: "Uh...I'm agreeing with you here."
.com: "Don't tell me what- oh, wait, yeah."
www: "Of note here is that Lyn's arrival
for this match has actually had
the effect of "softening" Lupe's
anti-outsider resolve a bit in
recent months. Lupe was happy to
hear that Lyn was coming back but
then had to be quickly reminded
by Grace Reyes of Lyn's "outsider"
status. Could Lupe's past with
Lyn be just the human touch that
is needed to get Lupe to start
thinking clearly again? Or will
Grace's "spin" of the situation
and labeling as Lyn as an outsider
just push Lupe FURTHER over the edge."
.com: "Whoa! Are you asking ME!? How do
I know this!! I'm just trying
to figure out what Gloria has
planned for Holly! Did I mention
how much I hate that bitch?"
www: "Yes, your disdain for Holly is
well noted. But let's focus on
a match that may end up being
the showstealer tonight."
.com: "Well, then, quit yer yappering
and let's get to it!"
www: "Yappering?"
.com: "NOW!"
Match #3: Jaquelyn Archer vs. Lucky Lupe
http://og-fpd.fireproclub.com/Matches/LAWL/SpringSniffLAWLS07/Sniff07ArcherLupe.zip
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www: "What a match! Lyn manages to get the
better of Lupe and finishes her off
with the reverse Gory special bomb!"
.com: "Lyn Archer looked incredibly impressive
in that match!! She was able to trade
arm work with the more experienced Lupe
and use her superior power while being
able to neutralize Lupe's speed!"
www: "This is actually Lyn's first ever
official LAWL match and it coming
as her return must feel GREAT for Lyn."
.com: "She learned a lot in LAWL but its
also clear how much she has benefitted
from wrestling around the world, especially
in Dragon Isle Joshi over the last few years."
www: "But the question is will Lupe realize
that? Lupe trained Lyn very much in
Lupe's own style. But it was Lyn's
further training that really gave her
the edge here tonight, along with her
natural abilities such as strength
and speed. Lyn came back here to
LAWL as the total package basically."
.com: "So the "Lyn Express" will be riding
across the US this summer? Goodie!"
www: "No...not THAT Total Package..."
.com: "Lyn had a steel plate in her forearm!"
www: "Moving right along...it appears that
Lyn is actually checking on Lupe after
that brutal finisher."
*Lyn goes over to see how Lupe is, and even begins
to help her up. Lupe gets up and then shoves Lyn
away. But then Lupe looks very apologetic once she
sees Lyn's reaction to the shove. Lyn comes closer
again to check on Lupe...whose face betrays the
amount of turmoil she is going through.*
*Lyn smiles at Lupe and extends her hand to her.
The crowd begins going wild and chanting "Shake
her hand now...clap clap clapclapclap (these
DAMN indie show brats find a way to work that f'n
chant into EVERYTHING. Do you think they EVER
speak in normal rhythm? "Burger and fries please,
clap clap clapclapclap" Really now!!)*
Www: "Come on Lupe, shake her hand! She's
your student! Be happy for her after
all she's accomplished!! It should be
a teacher's greatest day when their
student beats them clean in a match
like that! Do the right thing, Luup!"
.com: "Can I play devil's advocate? BASH
HER HEAD IN LUPE!! SHE'S NOTHING
TO YOU!! SHE'LL NEVER BE YOUR EQUAL!
You HAVE no equal!! You rule the world!"
www: "Uh...went a bit far there, but ok,
glad to see your a fan of Lupe!"
*END POST MATCH SPOILAWLERS
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*Lupe steps closer and begins to hold out her hand
when - NO! Grace Reyes has come running down to
ringside to break up this beautiful ceremony of
mutual respect and forbidden lo-...uh, Damn it
Grace!! She immediately pulls Lupe's hand back
and starts pointing to her head. Grace has a mic.*
Grace: "Use your f'n head Lupe! Don't be
tricked by this outsider! If she
wanted your respect...if she wanted
your approval, she NEVER would have
left LAWL! She turned her back on
LAWL, she turned her back on YOU!"
*Lyn, for her part, is still standing there with
her hand extended to Lupe. Grace stands in between
Lyn and Lupe and gestures that the handshake is
not gonna happen...she does that by giving Lyn
the finger...not a very vague gesture.*
www: "DAMN YOU GRACE! HATH THEE NO SOUL!"
.com: "Uh...Settle down a bit..."
www: "That coming from Miss "YOU RULE
THE WORLD LUPE!" I think NOT."
*Lyn has not given up her attempt at a handshake,
that girl REALLY wants to slap some skin, up high
and down low, bro! But Grace, sensing that she has
not made it clear enough, delivers a HAYMAKER
straight punch to Lyn's jaw!! Lyn goes down hard
and Lupe registers a look of angst! Grace then
kicks Lyn as she's down but is pulled back by
an irate Lupe! Lupe is arguing with Grace and
stopping her from doing any more damage to Lyn!*
www: "That a girl, Lupe!"
*The distraction is all that a certain three
wrestlers need to run down to save Lyn! As
Kat Black, Angelica Hyde, and 1337 Champion
Alicia Gordon race to the ring and chase
Grace out of the ring. Angelica, who is Lyn's
DI-Joshi Tag team partner and long time
friend, helps Lyn up as Alicia issues
menacing looks to Grace. Of note, Lupe is
sTILL in the ring and has not been chased out.*
www: "Thank the LAWLord for those three!"
.com: "LAWLord? Wow, we're going to helLAWL!"
www: "You think?"
*Lyn appears to be ok but has a noticeable bruise
on her chin from Grace's punch. Still, Lyn gets
up and goes over AGAIN to Lupe. Meanwhile, Grace
has been joined by LMAO Mask and the A/S/L Tag
Champions, the LAWLunkaLoompas. Grace is screaming
for Lupe to get out of the ring and come by their
side, yelling that she's in the ring with no good,
dirty dealing, LAWL disrespecting, bathroom
disinfecting, CHARLATANS....ok, all she REALLY
said was that they were filthy outsiders, but
can you blame a narrator for taking poetic license!?*
*Apologies...the old narrator has been fired*
*Lupe looks at Lyn and Grace, and is about to
take a step when Grace reaches out under the
ropes and grabs Lupe, dragging her out of the
ring. She then motions to LMAO Mask to 'help' Lupe
backstage. On her way up the ramp, Lupe looks
back and sees Lyn still staring at her, but
Lupe just turns her head back around and continues
walking with LMAO to the backstage area.*
www: "And it appears that Lupe has made
her choice for now, but not a very
decisive one. Would it have been so
wrong for her to shake Lyn's hand!?"
.com: "You could get a NASTY case of cooties."
www: "I see. Well, the one thing that all
this has accomplished is that it has
brought out the six wrestlers who are
set to battle in the next match."
.com: "Yes! That it has! Imagine that!
What a coincidence!! And here we
are about ready to get into the
next match with no need for a
forced transition or anything!"
www: "What are the ODDS of such a rare
event happening!? Astronomical!"
.com: "Ask Patata Espacial then..."
www: "The theme for this next match is
Championships. And yet, no Titles
are directly on the line. Rather,
Championship SHOTS are. If LMAO wins
this match, then Alicia Gordon must put
her 1337 Title on the line against
former Champion Grace Reyes. But if
LMAO lose this match, then the A/S/L
Champions, LAWLunkaloompas, must put
their titles on the line against Kat
Black and Angelica Hyde. Either Title
shot will take place at the next show."
.com: "What if we get a draw or double DQ now?"
www: "Then you have to put your title
on the line of hot dog eating champ!"
.com: "Gladly."
www: "See, then everyone's a winner!"
.com; "Especially my poolboys and pizza deliverers!"
www: "Wonderfully vivid!"
.com: "Speaking of senseless acts of
physicality that are fun to watch,
what do you think LMAO are thinking
right now in regards to the mindset
of Alicia Gordon and Kat Black? Both
Alicia and Kat are currently involved
in literal BLOOD feuds in OG-Joshi
with Holly and Crimson respectively,
well NO respect to either of those
two misfits, but you get what I'm
trying to say! Sentence structure,
Willa! That's what seperates us
from the waLAWLabees!""
www: "That and pants. But yes, I do agree
about the recent surges in Alicia and
Kat Black's combative attitudes. And
if the LAWLunkaloompas have excretory
systems, I'm imagining they have had
to be changed a LOT recently."
.com: "I'm totally gonna retch now-"
www: "As for Grace, she doesn't fear ANYONE.
So even though Alicia Gordon and Kat
Black are in heightened states of
violent awareness, I'm not sure that
Grace is worried about that. Grace
is ALWAYS angry, may I remind you.
And she's been fighting for her LMAO
cause for so long, that you just sense
she's ready to bring things to the next
level, ESPECIALLY after the previous match."
.com: "Plus, it almost seems as if Grace has
something up her sleeve tonight. She
was very disturbingly vague when
referring to keeping LMAO Mask under
control tonight. Even though that
thing has gone backstage with Lupe
just moments ago, its impossible to
believe that it won't be a factor
during or after the match, or at
any future time tonight."
www: "But when and how and why and where!?"
.com: "And other inquiries of notice!"
www: "Well I don't know how much longer
we can ponder this grand question
cause it looks like these two teams
are ready to quit being nice and
start acting reaLAWL!"
.com: "Yea! To the match!"
Match #4: Angelica Hyde/Kat Black/Alicia Gordon vs. LMAO
http://og-fpd.fireproclub.com/Matches/LAWL/SpringSniffLAWLS07/Sniff07TriosTag.zip
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www: "Shadow Plunge!! Kat Black has just
plunged one of those horrible orange
creatures into darkness and a loss!!"
.com: "And even more importantly, Kat just
earned herself and Angelica Hyde a Tag
Title shot against said horrible
orange creatures!! Kat, Angelica,
and Alicia Gordon are victorious!"
www: "But it sure didn't stop Grace from
getting in one last shot at Alicia
after the match was over!"
.com: "A vicious kick to the back of the
head but Grace is then chased off
by Angelica and Kat before any
chance of followup. Alicia gets
up pretty fast anyway and looks
angry at Grace, but she's now
focusing on congratulating Kat
for getting the victory."
www: "All three of them looked very
sharp tonight, especially with
their teamwork. Which is of no
real surprise considering the
recent victorious teams of both
Kat and Alicia at HaLAWLoween
and Kat and Angelica at LAWLiday
2006. Plus Alicia and Angelica
are certainly no strangers to
each other. I think they all
had superior communication skills
as well since its doubtful Grace
Reyes can understand HER tag
team partners, the LAWLunkaloompas."
.com: "And really, I think Alicia, Kat,
and Angelica just WANTED the win
more and their intensity level was
through the roof. LMAO should be
glad they didn't suffer any injuries
given the state of Alicia and Kat."
www: "But this isn't quite over yet!"
*LMAO Mask marches to ringside but Grace stops it
from getting into the ring. Instead, Grace just
looks at the three in the ring and motions to
LMAO Mask, who then does the infamous "throat
cutting" gesture. Grace smiles deviously and
the four members of LMAO (with Lupe still in
the back area, presumably) leave without further
incident and go backstage. The fans boo them
but then give a rousing applause to the three
victors in the ring who engage in a short round
robin league of high-fives and praise.*
*END POST MATCH SPOILAWLERS
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www: "I don't know about this Dottie,
the fact there was no attack here
is very disturbing to me. Grace
has something going on and I'm
very sure we're not gonna like it!"
.com: "We only have two matches left in
the show though!"
www: "And both matches have wrestlers in
it that would "qualify" for the
negative attention of LMAO!"
.com: "New LAWL wrestler Juli Tanaka can
be seen as an outsider by LMAO,
and the fact she is getting an
immediate OMG Title shot can not
sit well with Grace. And in our
main event, IKU is clearly an
outsider as well. The fact she
is getting main event status AND
is facing Grace's sister-"
www: "We heard Grace say that she would
never attack Marie...but that kind
of loyalty, despite being recently
questioned, could manifest itself
in attacking Marie's opponent."
.com: "Really, BOTH of our final matches
tonight are candidates for LMAO
shenanigans. Or...even more oddly,
what if LMAO once again doesn't
do anything particularly violent?
Is Grace playing mind games with
all of her rivals? Does she know
something we don't know? Is she
saving her attack for another time?"
www: "We're just gonna drive ourselves,
and our five viewers, crazy if
we keep thinking about it."
.com: "We already ARE crazy! Enjoy the
ride, I say!! Enjoy!"
www: "Well apparently I'm being told
that there's a commercial that's
about to air...ON the DVD at
this point. I don't know WHY
there's a random advertisement
at this point in the show but
I'm told its one of those really
annoying DVD commercials you can't
fast-forward through. Sorry viewers!"
*Scene cuts to a body of water during the night,
a stormy night. We hear ghostly murmurs which are
soon interrupted by the sound of CANNON fire. Then
a clear voice...a female voice is heard*
"ARR! RAID YE SHIP!"
*Two ships then come into view, one a regular looking
merchant ship and the other...oh boy...a more decrepit
ship with a PIRATE flag waving from it. We see hordes
of pirates leaping onto the deck of the merchant ship.
We then zoom in closer to see a woman dressed in pirate
clothing swinging across the water and onto the deck
where she gets right up to one of the merchants and
puts a sword by his throat and threatens him.*
Pirate gal: "This be a takeover! Hand over ye pieces of eight!"
Merchant: "But...this is a ship full of hot pants!"
*The woman looks thoroughly confused and then takes
a swig from a bottle she is holding.*
Pirate gal: "Fancy some grog?"
Merchant: "Um, if you're buying..."
*The woman then spews the grog into the scared
merchant's face as her "crew" laughs. She turns to us.*
"Ye be hearin a lot 'bout pirates this summer, but nary
a thing be true! Don't waste ye time in the movies when a
REAL pirate, Captain Lucy Cutlass the name, be coming to LAWL
to take its riches and plunder all that get in me way!"
*After the woman is done..plundering..she then swings
on a rope back to the pirate ship as it begins to
sail away. A somewhat familiar tune is heard, but
remixed to avoid any REAL infringement. The scene fades*
www: "Oh EXCELLENT!! A pirate!? A LAWL
pirate!? THAT's what we need!?"
.com: "Lucy Cutlass be her name!"
www: "I heard what BE her name! Thanks!"
.com: "Well save up your gold and "pieces
of eight," as she'll be taking it."
www: "Along with a beating from Grace
Reyes, I'd imagine. But we have more
important things to get to then
discussions of pirating-"
.com: "So I can't offer to share my
LAWL entrance MP3's to you?"
www: "No. But you CAN sit back and
get ready for the first of our
main events, as Ruby Moreno
prepares to defend her OMG
Championship against LAWL
newcomer Juli Tanaka!"
.com: "Juli Tanaka, a friend of Jenny
McLanahan and member of J*NiGHT!?"
www: "The very same!"
.com: "NICE!"
www: "It's been a very eventful few
months for Juli. She found herself
in OG-Joshi, joining J*NiGHT, and
earning a Tag Team Title shot at
the next OG-Joshi PPV in May. Then
she showed up here in LAWL and
IMMEDIATELY got an OMG Title shot
thanks to the mind games of Jenny
McLanahan!! We'll see how much Juli
can capitalize on her good fortune!"
.com: "And if there was ever a time to catch
Ruby off her game, tonight be the night!"
www: "Pirate talk. Stop it."
.com: "Sorry. But Ruby is visibly a bit
disheveled due to her travels
over the last two weeks to Japan
and back. She had a very tough
match against Angelica Hyde last
week, one which Angelica was within
a hair of winning..."
www: "While cliches are commonplace here
in LAWL, Dottie is actually quite
correct here. Had Ruby been just
a hair's length further away from
the ropes, she may not have been
able to grab them to escape the
Halo Bomb of Angelica!! And she
could have lost the match, though
not the title. Just goes to show
how far Angelica pushed Ruby and
the kind of fatigue Ruby must be
feeling right now, not to mention
the SHOCK of being made to defend
her Title tonight without notice!"
.com: "And factor in that Ruby's body
still may be a bit..."soft" after
taking the onslaught she did from
Jo Ryder a few months ago at
LAWLiday 2006. You face Jo Ryder
and you feel it for MONTHS. Those
chops and suplexes had to have
left their mark, and Juli will know
to target those prone areas that
Angelica already brought back to
the forefront of pain."
www: "But the mental effect of going into
tonight without plans to defend the
title may be too much for Ruby. Jenny,
Gloria, and Juli discussed this for
months now, so Juli is ready. And we
saw how Gloria played coy when Ruby
accused her of tricking her. Keep
in mind that Gloria has appointed
herself referee in every Title match
that a sibling of hers is not involved
in. Can Ruby trust Gloria as a ref
when Gloria, with Jenny's help, conned
Ruby into taking this match!? Just
how badly does Gloria want to see
Ruby lose the title...provided she
even does. Could this just be a test
by Gloria to strengthen Ruby and
the status of the LAWL title overall?"
.com: "WHOA!! TOO MANY QUESTIONES!!!!!
Let's just see what happens and
then just agree that we predicted
it all and are TOTALLY earning our
money here with insightful insight!"
www: "A-ha, insightful insight. Great."
.com: "See!! We're great! Now let's watch the match!"
www: "Sounds like a plan..."
Match #5: OMG Title: Juli Tanaka vs. Ruby Moreno (c)
http://og-fpd.fireproclub.com/Matches/LAWL/SpringSniffLAWLS07/Sniff07OMGTitle.zip
*POST MATCH SPOILAWLERS
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www: "After a grueling match, Ruby Moreno
manages to catch Juli Tanaka in the
"Quartz Capture" submission hold and
Juli has no choice but to tap out!
Ruby retains her OMG Championship!"
.com: "That "Quartz Capture" is the same
move that Ruby was able to make
Angelica Hyde tap out to last week.
Ruby been quite successful with that.
A lot of opponents expect Ruby to
do the "Quartztortion" to their
weakened leg but she can use that
Quartz Capture just as well."
www: "You gotta give Juli Tanaka credit
here for her performance. Fatigue
aside, Ruby Moreno is considered by
many to be the best current woman's
wrestler in the world. Jo Ryder said
as such and there have certainly been
many in agreement ever since Ruby
BEAT Jo at LAWLiday. So for Juli
to push Ruby as hard as she did
speaks volumes about Juli's heart
and skill level. But in the end,
Ruby was just too much for her."
.com: "But I'd say Juli had a very impressive
debut here in LAWL tonight, taking
our OMG Champion so far in this match.
Let's see what Juli can do in the future
and if she can get herself another shot
down the line. But for now, I think that
Jenny McLanahan is the one gunning the
most for Ruby's Title, and Gloria Reyes
seems to be supporting that effort."
www: "Gloria sees Jenny as a major contender
for Ruby, and why not!? We've all seen
what Jenny can do in the ring. But also,
consider this. We know that Marie Reyes
has been holding her OMG Title rematch
for some time now, but Jenny McLanahan
actually defeated Marie last year during
FinaLAWLs. So Jenny's claim as #1 contender
here really is quite legitimate. She could
have challenged Ruby sooner but she is
choosing now to start pursuing her. I
think that really puts Jenny in line to
eventually challenge Ruby, but we'll have
to see in the coming months when and if
that will happen. It seems that, if it
was up to Gloria, and it IS, that Jenny
will get that OMG Title shot. I really
think Jenny and Ruby could have a match
rivaling that of Ruby and Jo Ryder too.
So not only would Jenny be benefitting,
but so would the fans. And that fact has
to be a major motivating factor for Gloria
to make that match between them."
.com: "I agree! Let's order pizza now!"
www: "We still have one more match!"
.com: "Pizza pizza pizza!"
www: *sigh*
*END POST MATCH SPOILAWLERS
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www: "It is now time for our main event
between Marie Reyes and OJ-FWA
superstar, IKU! This is actually
a rematch from OJ-FWA "First" where
Marie flew to Japan to be part of
that show and managed to get a
win against IKU. However, the two
have a lot of mutual respect for
each other and Marie granted IKU's
request for a rematch. Gloria gave
Marie the option to have the match
tonight as the main event and Marie
liked that idea very much. I'm of
the opinion that Marie accepted to
entertain the fans and show everyone
just how talented wrestlers from around
the world truly are, and how LAWL
wrestlers can only get better by
facing them. This of course is an
idea in direct opposition to LMAO."
.com: "And Grace can NOT be happy about her
sister welcoming in an outsider tonight.
But the question is, will she DO anything
about it? After all, as we said before,
its likely Grace couldn't have been happy
about the Ruby/Juli match, and yet she
didn't interfere. Is Grace picking her
shots more carefully these days thanks
to Gloria being in charge? And will this
match be one of those shots LMAO attempts?"
www: "Speaking of problematic sisters, IKU
has actually faced an even more violent
assault then Marie has. While Grace
and Marie have merely had disagreements
in addition to their allies battling,
IKU's sister has emerged in OJ-FWA
to make IKU's life more difficult. IKU's
sister is named Ami Naito and attacked
her for no given reason. We know IKU
has been upset about that, just as
Marie has been upset about Grace's
formation of LMAO. But Marie said she
wants to concentrate solely on the
match tonight out of respect for
IKU and the fans of both promotions."
.com: "Yes, but CAN she do that. Can either
of them concentrate solely on each
other when familial issues are
haunting them. Plus throw in what
happened to Marie at the last show!"
www: "Marie was attacked by Grace's dumb
muscle, LMAO Mask. While Grace maintains
that it was an accident and that LMAO
Mask was AIMING for Juli Krieger, Sandy
Morton, and Holly, the fact remains
that the attack shook up Marie a LOT.
LMAO Mask somehow managed to "miss"
the fact that she had Marie in a very
painful "Stump puller" like move. And
that move elicited a very odd emotional
reaction from Marie during and after it.
Marie was close to tears and Alicia, her
best friend, was very concerned about her,
as was Marie's older sister Gloria. And
of course our dedicated LAWL fans who
wrote in postcards and stuff wishing
Marie the best and asking her for
help with various math problems."
.com: "Grace apologized for LMAO Mask's error
but didn't seem too concerned about
Marie's health. I don't even think
the two talk anymore outside of LAWL
events. LAWLidays at the Reyes house
probably weren't as festive this past
year! But, Grace DID say that she
would never actually attack her sister."
www: "Gloria wasn't satisfied with that,
and wants to make sure that none of
Grace's goons decide to attack Marie.
Grace may not lay her hands on Marie,
but Gloria doesn't want to see another
member of LMAO do it FOR her, to send
a message to Marie to stop inviting
outside talent to LAWL."
.com: "Meanwhile, you have to figure that
Marie just saw the match between
Ruby Moreno and Juli Tanaka, AND
senses that Jenny is gonna be in
line soon for a Title shot. Marie
still has that rematch saved up
but is she ready to use it? A win
tonight would help her case. And
will Ruby be watching this match
to survey how Marie has advanced
since losing to her last year?"
www: "This match and the previous one
have a lot of connections to each
other. I am sure that everyone in
the back will watch this match for
both entertainment and selfish
purposes. They all want to see
where the former OMG Champion
Marie Reyes stands in the ring
and what her next move will be."
.com: "And I bet many of them want to
see how talented IKU is as well
after hearing such positive things
from Marie. There has got to be
a lot of wrestlers in the back that
are undecided about LMAO's cause.
And if they see what wrestlers like
IKU can teach them, then maybe
there will be more resistant to
LMAO's methods in chasing off
outside talent. There is a lot
on the line in this match besides
just a win or loss. The outcome
of this match can put a lot of
plans in motion, a lot of competing
agendas, and it will be up to Gloria
Reyes to make sense of it all and
control the situation."
www: "But for now, let us get to the match!"
.com: "Hold up! Did you just say a few minutes
ago that Marie's fans wrote to her with
math problems for her to solve!?"
www: "Wow, super delayed reaction!"
Main Event: Marie Reyes vs. OJ-FWA's IKU
http://og-fpd.fireproclub.com/Matches/LAWL/SpringSniffLAWLS07/Sniff07MarieIKU.zip
*POST MATCH SPOILAWLERS
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www: "IKU wins!! IKU evens up the series between
the two by pinning Marie right in the middle
of the ring with a rolling cradle! What
a tremendous match that saw numerous
comebacks from both taletned women!"
.com: "Gotta hand it to IKU for wrestling an
intense match towards the end. Marie
had her in some bad positions but IKU
was able to fight out of them and use
her explosive speed to outmaneuver Marie!"
www: "And it looks like there are no hard
feelings here as Marie immediately
goes over to IKU to shake her hand.
The fans are roaring in approval as
the two wrestlers smile, shake and
raise each other's hands in respect."
.com: "Marie is clapping her hands and getting
the crowd to show their respect for IKU,
who is bowing humbly to Marie and the crowd.
This is the kind of end to a match and show
that everyone involved can be proud of."
*END POST MATCH SPOILAWLERS
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www: "IKU shakes Marie's hand again and starts up
the ramp, leaving Marie inside the LAWL ring
with her fans. Marie once again salutes IKU."
.com: "OMG...who is that!?"
*A woman jumps out of the crowd and LEVELS IKU with a lariat
to the back of the head! IKU is sent down and looks HURT.*
www: "That's...that's IKU's sister, Ami Naito!"
*Marie gasps in shock and then quickly rolls out of
the ring. But as she starts to go up the ramp, She
suddenly trips! Wait, someone has just crawled out
from under the ring!! They have a hold of Marie's leg!"
.com: "What the hell!? That's LMAO Mask!!
LMAO Mask has attacked Marie!"
www: "Meanwhile, Naito is stomping on
IKU's back and neck!"
*LMAO Mask picks Marie up but then applies an
iron claw to Marie...slowly lifting her...IRON
CLAW CHOKESLAM!! Marie is rolling on the floor
in pain and then...STUMP PULLER! AGAIN! LMAO Mask
has that same stump puller on Marie that she put
on at LAWLiday 2006! Marie is practically crying!*
.com: "This is getting out of control! The
two heroic wrestlers who just put
on a great match for LAWL are being
decimated by these..these MONSTERS!"
www: "It's about to get worse for IKU!"
*Naito picks up a wobbly IKU and then grasps her in
her hands...oh no...BELLY TO BELLY...BELLY TO BELLY
SUPLEX FROM THE RING RAMP ONTO THE FLOOR! ONTO THE
HARD UNFORGIVEN ARENA FLOOR!! IKU IS KNOCKED OUT
AND HER BODY IS TWISTED IN A HORRIBLE POSITION!*
.com: "Someone get some help for her!"
www: "Dottie, we're in a NY studio a
day after this happened, I don't
think we can usher that-"
.com: "BELIEVE!!"
*IKU is lying unconscious on the arena floor, her
body quivering a bit and blood leaking out of her
mouth, clearly from internal bleeding.*
www: "This is a terrible thing to happen
to such a fine wrestler and woman,
especially for it to happen at the
hands of her own sister."
*Naito just looks on unemotionally and then escapes
through the crowd. The LAWL Medics start attending
to IKU and things do NOT look good*
.com: "Meanwhile, Marie Reyes is shaking
in pain and fear in the stump puller!"
www: "Here comes the calvary!"
*Alicia Gordon rockets down the ramp and immediately
slide kicks LMAO Mask off of Marie. Alicia begins
peppering LMAO Mask with punches and kicks until
the rest of LMAO run down and pull her off. Kat
Black, Angelica Hyde, and Jacquelyn Archer then come
down to the ringside area to assist Alicia. But
rather then continue the attack, LMAO roll into
the ring as Grace Reyes grabs a mic. Sensing
that the battle is at least on hold for now,
Alicia attends to Marie who is practically sobbing,
to the dismay and shock of her friends.*
Grace: "Hey chicas, up here! Stop worrying
about your cry baby friend for a bit
and listen to what the fuck we
got to say. Now, you all wondering,
just what in the HELL is going on here?"
Grace: "After all, it's not like Marie got
that roughed up in the match...hell,
the girl that beat her just got her
own ass whupped. Looks like Gloria's
"HomeLAWL security" was a bit late
there, but what the hell. I don't
mind watching one outsider take
another one out, so good for IKU's
sister. Hell, I even know where that
Naito is coming from, yanno. Cause
sometimes a little TOUGH LOVE is all
it takes to deal with a stupid sister
that just doesn't GET IT."
Grace: "And that's what we're doing here.
Ya see, I'm SICK of Marie going
against LMAO, and LAWL. So I decided
to teach her a LESSON, and what
better way to do that, then go back
in time and bring her to SCHOOL."
*Alicia, Angelica, Kat, and Lyn look on confused
as Marie starts to back up scared against the railing.
She is shaking her head no in shock as tears roll
down her face. At this point, Gloria Reyes has
also come down the ramp to check on Marie.*
Grace: "Hey Gloria, good to see you. Here's
a little old school Reyes trivia that
I know you can answer for Marie's
ignorant friends over there. You
remember the name - Cynthia San Martino?"
*Gloria's face twists in surprise and anger...oh yeah,
she remembers the name all right! As does Marie
who has NOW started violently shaking her head
no while bawling and putting her hands over her ears.
She's going into some kind of shock here.*
Grace: "Good! And I KNOW our sis Marie
remembers that name. But just
in case she doesn't, let's just
let a picture tell a thousand words!"
*Grace goes over to LMAO Mask and...uh oh...UNMASKS
her!! No more LMAO Mask!! All we see in her stead is
a mean looking, curly haired, freckled woman with
dark hair and a red streak in it. Also, a whole lot
of scars on her face and a teardrop tattoo.*
http://og-fpd.fireproclub.com/Matches/LAWL/SpringSniffLAWLS07/Cynthia.bmp
*Marie's face tells the whole story...she turns
pale. Completely pale like a ghost. Her body
continues shaking as Alicia does her best to
calm her down but its not working. Her friends
look on in horror as Marie is basically being
emotionally broken down in front of them. Grace
and the woman smile as Grace gives her the mic.*
Woman: "My name is Cynthia San Martino,
bitches! And tha lil bitch Marie
remembers me...her ole school BULLY.
I used to kick that little ass in the
school yard every day! Stealing her
money, embarrassing her, EVERYTHING.
Why do ya think that Stump Puller,
or whatever you wrasslers call it,
bothered her so much? Its cause
I used to do it EVERY f'n day to that
little shit. I call it the "Schoolyard
Stretch" and I can STILL make her cry."
*Gloria is appalled at this whole scene and grabs a mic*
Gloria: "GRACE! How could you!? How could you
bring that terror back into your
sister's life!? We had to get
THERAPY for Marie cause of her!"
Grace: "I warned Marie. I told her that
if she didn't get out of my way,
out of LMAO's way, out of LAWL's
way, that bad things would happen
to her. She didn't listen, but now,
oh NOW she's listening. Ain't that
right Cynthia? Now, why don't you
tell your school chum Marie where
you been since you last seen her?"
Cynthia: "I just got out of the pen a few months
ago. And I saw Grace round the block right
before I was gonna up and rob a bank.
But Grace promised me I'd get paid
and have me some fun if I joined LAWL
instead. So what the fuck? I get to beat
up Marie AND gets my money? Hell yeah!
That's what bizness peeps call win/win!"
Grace: "Now Marie...now EVERYONE...you see
how far I'll go to protect LAWL from
outsiders and all that help them."
Gloria: "You ungrateful hypocrite! You do this
to your sister cause of outsiders? You
bring in someone off the street!? How
is Cynthia not an outsider and Lyn is!?"
*Grace smiles*
Grace: "Cynthia ain't no outsider no more, sis.
I trained her for a few months as LMAO
Mask in the gym. She's LAWL grown now!
Just for this, just for this moment.
And if I'll do this to my own sister,
you all better watch your asses-"
Cynthia: "Fuck...I'll put a cap in ALL them
little lucha asses to save you trouble!"
Grace: "And Marie...you think THIS is bad?
Shit, this is just your FINAL Warning.
Cause NOW you know what I could do. So
if you continue to stand in the way
of LMAO, Cynthia will make your
life a living hell, just like she
used to. But she's older now, and
this situation is even worse. Wanna
know why, Marie? Cause LAWL is your home."
Cynthia: "And the only thing worse then having
a bully in school, is having her
come to your house and beat ya! I
used to steal ya money, now I steal
ya sister, your LAWL, and your LIFE!"
Gloria: "I've heard enough of this. Grace, you
may have invited her into our house but
I am kicking her out right now. I will
not allow this to stand. That woman is
a street thug and a criminal, not a
wrestler. And there is nothing good-"
*Alicia interrupts Gloria and speaks into the mic. Her
expression stoic and her eyes steely. She is shaking
too, but unlike Marie, her body looks like its about
to explode in violence. Even Grace steps back a bit.*
Alicia: "Grace...you just made the biggest
mistake of your life. And Cynthia,
you should have learned something
in jail. You NEVER go back to the
scene of a crime. But that's just
what you did here. Marie and I
are gonna make you pay for it."
Grace: "You delusional as usual, Leesh,"
Alicia: "That's what they said to me in the
hospital last year when I said I'd
wrestle again. You ask Juli Krieger
which one's delusional and which one
got broken last time we met. And
Cynthia, Marie may not be ready now
but I'll MAKE her ready. I do NOT
tolerate bullies. Not in OG-Joshi,
not in LAWL, not in life."
Cynthia: "Ready? You gonna make her READY?
Only thing that bitch is ready to
do is shit her pants in fear! And
you gonna be the next one if you
continue frontin to me, skinny bitch!"
*Alicia is about to jet into the ring but Gloria
holds her back and sends her back to help Marie.
Grace laughs but the LAWLunkaloompas start crying
cause Cynthia cursed. She looks back annoyed at them
and then backhand slaps them BOTH to shut them up.*
Cynthia: "I tellin you Grace, we gotta do
something about our LMAO posse here,
they almost as soft as those bitches.
And where the FUCK is Lupe!? I told
her to get her ass out here for this
so she wouldn't be soft no more!"
Grace: "I felt it best for Lupe to leave
early tonight after her match.
And speaking of leaving, it looks
like we gonna have to meet up with
our friends next time "after school"
cause they don't want no part of us."
*Alicia helps Marie up, who at this point is frozen
and can't even move. Alicia and Gloria have to carry
her backstage as Angelica, Lyn, and Kat guard them
making sure LMAO doesn't try a sneak attack. The
audience looks on shocked at Marie's condition as
the parents are actually covering the kids eyes.
Those in the audience that can stomach what they
just saw are booing LMAO with all their fiber.
There's not an unemotional face in the house..
wait...maybe one? Is that...is that Jo Ryder
in a LAWL crowd AGAIN? What's she doing here?
She looks on expressionless but the camera
pans back to the ring before Jo questions arise!*
Cynthia: "Hey Gra-Rey"
*Grace looks at her quizzically*
Cynthia: "Yeah, thas your new gang name, 'Gra-Rey'"
Grace: "Cool, whas up?"
Cynthia: "I think I'm gonna like it here in LAWL,
just one little bitch after another."
*LMAO remains in the ring as Gloria turns around
and sneers at them. Alicia also turns around and
gives a look that sends one of the LAWLunkaloompas
down to the ground hiding behind Cynthia, who then
proceeds to kick it hard in the stomach.*
*Meanwhile, on another side of the areans, the
LAWL medics have finally managed to secure the hurt
IKU onto a stretcher and are cautiously moving her
backstage. Gloria looks around to see her and then
hops down to the floor level from the ramp to
check on her as well. LMAO point and laugh at
the carnage as fans are booing them. The show
ends as the ring is being filled with garbage,
thrown from the angry audience. Some of the projectiles
include LAWLunkaloompa plush dolls, and even some fried
"pot roast on a stick" snacks. LAWL does food
up RIGHT. The final shot is of Grace and Cynthia
giving each other some kinda weird gang handshake
(multiple digit manipulation) with a sick smile,
as the LAWLunkaloompas try to mimic the handshake
but end up twisting their fingers and arms together.
Cynthia smacks them one last time as the scene fades.*
*Fin*
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